Home > Out of the Cage! > April 2005 > Behavior & Training: Pets & Babies (Part 2): How to Avoid "Second Child Syndrome"

Behavior & Training

Pets & Babies (Part 2): How to Avoid "Second Child Syndrome"

by Sharon Mear, Behavior Counselor and Trainer, Training Cats and Dogs

Last month, behavior counselor and trainer Sharon Mear shared with our readers some of the ways you can prepare your family's companion animals for the arrival of a new baby. This month Sharon describes some of the techniques you can use to create harmony among the critters after the new baby arrives.

This article is written to help ease the transition from the moment you arrive home with the baby, with a step-by-step approach for how to introduce your dog and/or cat to the new family member.

Moment of Arrival

When the baby first comes home, it is best if someone other than Mom brings the baby into the house. Mom has been away and the dog or cat will be very excited to see her. Mom and dog/cat should share some private time, full of affection and belly rubs. This will also allow the spouse, partner, or caretaker to get the baby settled, while giving the dog time to settle down and feel that his place in the family is secure.

First Introductions

If your dog is overly exuberant with new things or in new situations, put him on leash and command him to sit/stay or down/stay. If your dog is a jumper or leaper, use a head halter. (This should be a tool with which the dog is already familiar.) When the dog is calm and more relaxed, it's time for the dog to meet the baby.

Step 1: While Mom sits relaxed with the dog (on leash), someone else should come into the room with the baby and sit down at a distance — where the dog can't make contact, at least 10 feet or more. Mom should maintain a relaxed leash, and reward the dog with small chewable treats (not hard biscuits) while the dog sits calmly and looks at the baby. If the dog can remain calm with the baby at this distance, Mom can begin to move calmly and slowly toward the baby, or the caretaker can move slowly toward the dog. If the dog begins to get anxious, pause or stop and wait again until the dog is calm. Do not rush this process.

Step 2: If the dog remains calm, allow the dog to smell the baby. Every dog's threshold is different, so if your dog starts to get excited, stop, have the dog re-focus (using the sit/stay command) until calm, and then begin again. You should not rush this process. It is better to wait — days, if necessary — to allow the dog to sniff the baby, rather than to risk putting anyone in harm's way. Think about having a trainer or behaviorist with you if you are at all unsure about how to handle the situation.

Step 3: If the dog seems anxious or fearful, begins to slink down, snarl, or growl, wait before moving ahead with this step. It is better to go back to Step 1 (above) until the dog is relaxed. PLEASE DO NOT PANIC; this is NOT a reason to "get rid of the dog." With your patience and positive reinforcement, along with tolerance during this learning curve, your dog will most likely learn to relax around the baby. You should go at a pace with which the dog is comfortable. Try stroking him with long soothing motions on his body (not tapping on the head). Talk to him softly and confidently. Do not say, "Don't worry, it's okay," because it is not okay if he is snarling or growling, and this communicates the wrong association for the dog.

Step 4: At first, while you are holding the baby within view of the dog or cat, be sure to hold the baby so the feet do not dangle; dangling feet might look like you are playing, and this could encourage the dog to lunge. Likewise, cats love to play with dangling, moving objects, so the way you position the baby is important. Animals are instinctively curious beings, and sometimes they just need to sniff or lick or get close to the object that is moving. New movements can be daunting, but again this is not a reason to panic. Animals are sensitive to our body language so if you can remain calm, chances are your animals will as well. Once the animals are comfortable and some time has passed, they should get used to the baby's movements.

Step 5: Be prepared with some tools (water pistol, small blanket, can with pennies) to abruptly startle the cat or dog if they are acting inappropriately, but also be prepared to reinforce the behavior that is wanted. If the dog or cat is fearful, don't use a loud noise. If the dog or cat loves water, don't use a water pistol. Try and abort any bad behavior before it becomes a full-blown problem. For example, if the hair on your cat or dog's back is up, if their pupils enlarge, or if they get into a fixed stare, this is the moment to change their focus. (Sometimes simply tossing a squeaky toy, or making a smooching sound, is enough to divert their attention.) Do not wait until they pounce. On the other hand, you must be careful not to terrify the animal by screaming, hitting, or dragging them away. This will have the opposite effect, and the animals will begin to associate the baby with bad things happening. The desired result is for your animal to feel secure and happy around the new family member, and it is your task to behave in a way that will best facilitate this reaction.

Schedule Private Time with the Animals

This can include cuddle time, grooming, playtime, exercise, (indoor and outdoor), and continued training, as warranted. Treat this time as you would an after-school activity with your child, giving 100% of your attention. The dog and/or cat were there first, and as with first-born children, you don't want them to feel neglected. "Second child syndrome," as I like to call it, can be avoided if you schedule uninterrupted time for your animals, reinforcing their special place in the family. Try not to allow anything to interrupt this playtime. Try and have someone else available to deal with the baby's needs. You don't want the animals to associate the baby's crying with the end of their playtime.

Taking Off the Leash

If, after a few weeks, the animals accept the baby and you feel confident that you are in control, it is fine to take the leash off, but only when you can supervise. NEVER leave the baby unattended when the dog is around, NOT EVEN for a second. Take a moment and put the baby in his or her playpen or crib, or put the dog in another room or crate with something to keep him occupied and content.

Positive Outcome

If you are observant and committed to a scheduled program, good things will most certainly result. Try not to sweat the small stuff. Most animals will adjust well if you help them in a gradual transition. Remember to keep learning fun so your animal has the best opportunity to accept the new family structure.

If you have a behavior or training question or topic you'd like to see addressed in this column, please e-mail it to us at info@AnimalAllianceNYC.org.

Sharon Mear, behavior counselor, trainer, and owner of New York-based Training Cats and Dogs, provides training and behavioral counseling for dogs and cats and the people who love them. Sharon is a regular participant and counselor at the "Ask the Trainer" table at Mayor's Alliance/Maddie's Pet Adoption Festivals. One of her own adopted felines, Mr. "Cheeks" Gillespie, chose Sharon as his own after observing her for years from a perch outside her bedroom window! Sharon was featured in the October 2004 issue of Out of the Cage!

If you have a behavior or training question or topic you'd like to see addressed in this newsletter, please e-mail it to us at info@AnimalAllianceNYC.org.